One year on ...

Stonehenge - Wednesday, 15th November 2023

I've been dreading today, there I’ve said it. Because today’s date is a stark reminder of what my life was precisely one year ago. Tuesday, 15th November 2022* was officially labelled as the worst day of a horrible 2022. I’d spent months battling with poor health. A level of physical health that I’d never previously encountered. I’d spent the day at the hospital surrounded by medics, received a mind-numbing phone call and endured a prearranged 45 minute MRI scan, in which I didn’t move one inch, seriously – I don’t know how I did it. After which I found myself making decisions based on earlier hospital appointments and discussions about a probable seven week isolation period to avoid Covid, in preparation for an operation planned for January 2023. Which ultimately turned into a much lengthier isolation period and my op in June!
 
In the afternoon, I had a rather frank discussion with a police officer about a detailed statement I’d made three days earlier. Which renewed my faith in our law enforcement but which ultimately saddened me that certain measures are necessary in this anti-social world that we live in.
 
Alongside the pain and the side-effects of medication, I juggled my lack of sleep, induced worry and continued stress that often accompanies poor health. You live a half-life in which you’re constantly clock watching awaiting the next dose of tablets, the hope of pain relief working and battling the sheer magnitude that life might never improve from this scenario. The freedom you once had to live a full and active life has gone with no goodbye or even, see you laters! 
 
I was dealing with two conditions: one of my body’s own making, the other caused by a doctor’s mistake with a prescription drug – each condition conflicting with the other, both serious in their own right.  
 
The day was dark, I can’t deny that. I dragged my sorry ass through the motions. I’d spent each hour talking myself through each step, from appointment to appointment, from place to place. Facts, details and worries swimming around my head. Unanswered questions that no one wanted to help me answer in case they influenced my decisions – those type, the big ones. 
 
Finally, I reached the end of a horrible day. And that’s when there was one small moment of sunshine. Just one glimmer. My instant reaction surprised even me – I burst out crying in the middle of a public place ruining that moment.
 
Over the past year, I’ve had to refer back to this particular day, time and time again. And today, one year on, with my health restored 100%, and despite dreading the dark memories, I’m hoping for a day filled with sunshine.

*Slap bang in the middle of my NaNoWriMo month!

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